I use my high salary as a test when dating

Being a female breadwinner is such a great qualification opportunity for relationships. 1) you can test his ego and truly see if he celebrates your success. 2) you know your financial situation will never influence your decision to stay in a relationship.

Alice Tapper

Tell me a bit about yourself

I am 26 years old. I went to my local state comprehensive school but I must outline that I come from a privileged background where education was always considered to be highly important. I was never held back by any socioeconomic factors which I acknowledge has a super important influence on the opportunities one might come across in life. I got a degree from a great uni in 2018. I live in London, recently a homeowner with my partner of 4 years. We have a declaration in place to stipulate that I own a larger proportion of the property.

Tell me about your work/ financial situation

I went straight into sales after university and now I work for one of the biggest tech companies in enterprise sales. Usually in this role you need 8-10 years of sales experience but I was recruited for a global programme that fast tracks you into the role after 1 year. My first year in role I am set to earn around 250k with commission. This makes me feel like an imposter because firstly I am no expert in anything. Secondly, I do not work hard enough to deserve that salary difference compared to other jobs. I have friends and family who are teachers or work for the NHS, and these people work incredibly hard. It does bug me regularly, but I am not selfless enough to turn it down for myself.

Do you enjoy your job?

I do enjoy my job very much. Though I am not interested in the product whatsoever, the job is fast paced and exciting and the nature of it is very fulfilling for me. But I think my enjoyment of my job is influenced mainly because I really like the company I work for. I have an abundance of flexibility and so many perks that make me feel very grateful.

How does your salary affect your romantic relationships?

Being a female breadwinner is such a great qualification opportunity for relationships.

1) you can test his ego and truly see if he celebrates your success.

2) you know your financial situation will never influence your decision to stay in a relationship.

I feel very grateful for this. In terms of earnings, usually men and women have been either 1. very similar 2. women earn less, or 3. at the very least we are used to seeing our parents have a more ‘traditional’ male/female earning split. By ‘qualification’ I mean by revealing your higher salary or then experiencing this disparity in practice you are given a platform to see reactions and behaviours you might not otherwise. Is he ball-busted by your success or does he celebrate it? Does he freely accept generosity from you (it has never been equally frowned upon for a woman to accept her male partner’s generosity) or will he refuse because he has too much masculine pride?

It also works the other way round - I have my own money and I can provide for myself freely, so when I assess my relationship I am not considering any ‘lifestyle’ factors or luxuries that are contingent in my relationship. I only need to assess the human connection and nothing financial. This is a modern female worker, because sadly in the past and still often today, some women have to consider the financial implications of leaving a relationship.

What do you do with your income?

Every month I use a spreadsheet to calculate my finances. I have used the same spreadsheet since my 30K salary, no changes, and it works every time. I truly believe that with total visibility you can have much more control and this method has allowed me to afford pretty much whatever I’ve wanted to do at different points in my earning (within reason of course). As it’s summer, I have prioritised paying for holidays for myself and my partner over saving anything at all (oops). But as I am not saving for anything in particular I felt it was okay. I also committed to investing a minimum of £100 a month in stocks and shares so that I can learn and explore how this works. I intend to increase this once I have got to grips with it more.

What do you do with any commission you earn?

Whenever I receive commission I give a good proportion of it to charity. I like to think this helps make life a little more fair, but I guess part of that comes from a somewhat selfish place, to make me feel less guilty for what I earn.

How do you give your money away?

I also believe money can only make you happy if you give it away- be that to charity, on spoiling your other half, or treating your family or friends. It could mean anything. Giving to charities. Giving something when you see someone sleeping rough. Giving to your family. Giving to your other half. Buying a coffee for the person behind you. Just enhancing someone else’s life with money rather than only your own. Generosity brings more happiness than the money itself!